Ⅰ 定義你的人際關係：關係中的四種類別
1 類別一：朋友
能稱為朋友的人其實少之又少，朋友是可以在任何狀況下接住我們的人。
2 類別二：同事
如果你沒有足夠時間、興趣或意願與這人發展朋友所需的連結時，他就該歸類為同事。
3 類別三：任務
任務的出現，是為了讓我們成為他生命中的幫助。
4 類別四：顧問
顧問與任務相反，他是來幫助我們的人。
Ⅱ 分辨你的人際關係：確認關係中的每個人，是否放在正確的類別
Ⅲ 校準你的人際關係：如果錯置了某些人的類別，就請改正回來吧
Ⅳ 評估你的人際關係：自己表現得如何
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMblOvUGiHc
The following article is adopted with a written permission from the original author. The purpose of posting it on this blog is to help the Alliance church members and leaders to navigate divisive issues by identifying the level of severity or sensitivity of the controversial subjects.
Please contact Pastor Fowler if you would like to quote or share any part of the article.
“This article was not published and is not accessible online. You’re welcome to use the article on your blog.”
STEVE FOWLER
Church Revitalization Director
Alliance NW District Office
In navigating divisive issues, I have found it most helpful to distinguish levels of certainty. Then I can differentiate what is essential from that which is merely controversial. For me, this breaks down into four levels.
First are things I would “die for.” To deny them knowingly would demonstrate that you are outside the boundaries of gospel orthodoxy and perhaps not in living relationship with Jesus.
In navigating divisive issues, I have found it most helpful to distinguish levels of certainty.
Second are things I would “divide for.” We are Christians, fellow members of the body of Christ, but we won’t be in the same local fellowship.
Third are things I would “debate for.” Here, we are in the same church but we will wrestle (sometimes heatedly) with these issues.
Fourth are things we “decide for.” These issues contribute to the rich diversity in the life of our church. Let’s discuss each in turn.
Die For
This category contains the foundations of the faith once delivered to the saints for which we contend earnestly (Jude 3). If necessary, the truth of the gospel incorporated in these propositions are things for which we would give up our life. They include the inspiration and authority of Scripture, the Trinity, and the incarnation of the second person of the Trinity as the God-man, Jesus, including his virgin birth, sinless life, substitutionary atonement, bodily resurrection and personal return. Also included is justification and regeneration by grace alone through faith alone which is lived out in gospel centered good works (Eph. 2:8-10; Tit. 2:11-13;3:3-8), the Spirit’s personal indwelling believers constituting the one body of Christ, and the final judgment leading to hell and heaven.
Calling a person who knowingly denies essentials of the faith a brother or sister in Christ for the sake of “unity” truly denies the unity founded on the truth of Jesus Christ. We see a growing progressive wing that calls for humility and broadening the definition of gospel orthodoxy to include universalism. Humility concerning such items can never be a virtue. Some truths are worth dying for.
Consider for a moment the Egyptian brothers who were paraded onto a beach in North Africa by their ISIS captors. They were told to deny Jesus and convert to Islam or be executed. This was a “die for” issue for the men and they chose to die for Jesus.
Divide For
Everyone who affirms the essentials in word and life is a fellow member of Christ’s body, one whom we call brother or sister in Christ. However, other important issues are so foundational to our life with God that we will divide fellowship over them. In ancient times it led to the division between Paul and Barnabas (Acts 15:39). In modern times, these are the foundations of the denominational differences.
The best example of a divide for event in church history would be the Protestant Reformation. Martin Luther's posting of The Ninety-Five theses at Wittenberg is seen as the start of the Protestant Reformation. This happened in the year 1517. In 1515, the Pope started a new indulgence campaign to raise money for the rebuilding of St. Peter’s Basilica, a church in Rome. Preachers came to Germany to sell the indulgences, promising that money could release souls from purgatory. Martin Luther, a German Catholic monk thought this went too far. On October 31, 1517, he sent his 95 theses to the local archbishop in protest. It is said he nailed a copy to the door of a church in Wittenberg. These theses, written in Latin, were points that Luther wanted to debate. Most of them related to the problems caused by the sale of indulgences. Luther said that the idea the money could buy forgiveness prevented people from turning away from sins. He said that it also made people give less money to the poor. Without Luther's permission, the 95 Theses were translated into German and sent to many places. Many people agreed with Luther. The Catholic Church tried to stop these new ideas, but without much result. Luther was considered an enemy of the Pope, and when he refused to change his ideas, he was excommunicated.
In recent years, we have reduced the number of issues in the “divide for” category. Often this is because there is an attempt to look for unifying points and see the differences within that light. When churches emphasize the power of the Spirit’s work and the fullness of the gifts, the evidentiary significance of speaking in tongues that used to divide Pentecostals and Charismatics is much less significant. As we affirm strongly the centrality of Scripture, fewer will divide over the question of whether God speaks today only through Scripture, or if He also speaks through prophetic revelation.
When the unifying truth of a whole-person spirituality (including mind, will, emotions, body and spirit) is emphasized, churches balance careful teaching of the Word and the expectation of a gospel-centered, heart-level obedience.
Jesus calls us to unity and so we should pursue gospel ecumenism, a spiritual unity that still respects these important differences. This kind of ecumenism promotes true understanding between instead of caricatures of the other groups. It speaks first and primarily of our unity in Christ and addresses others as fellow believers.
Debate For
We wrestle with these issues inside a church or denomination. The wrestling may be prolonged or painful, but we do it while maintaining regular fellowship, joining in worship and service. Debated issues may include the leadership roles appropriate for women, the extent of involvement the church should have in compassionate ministries in the community, the age of the earth, or which musical and preaching styles are best in a worship service.
It seems to me that we must keep debate for’sfrom escalating into divide for’s. The best leaders keep the unity of the body at the center of our thinking as Paul admonishes us in Ephesians 4:3. These leaders are also able keep the focus on the essentials even when the wrestling is strenuous.
I find that when churches try to maintain unity by silencing the debates or smoothing things over with “nice” words, divisive folk are often empowered. The divisive people continue to promote their wrangling without being called to responsibility by the wisdom of the group.
The ground rules of Acts 15 seem appropriate in resolving these issues in congregations. Paul took the divisive people back to their body in Jerusalem, where everyone spoke for themselves before the whole church. They spoke what they believed and to the issue at hand rather than to the errors of the other group and to irrelevant issues. The whole congregation listened and recognized the wisdom of James as he stood for essentials (justification by faith alone apart from observance of the Mosaic Law) and proposed compromise on secondary issues. They led the group in wise decision-making, rather than making decrees and enforcing decisions by weight of authority. The size of the group of people involved would vary depending on the significance of the debated issue.
Decide For
These are the kinds of issues addressed in Romans 14-15, the areas of belief and behavior about which there is no law. This is where acceptance is a virtue and legalism a real danger, especially as divisive people latch onto lower-level issues, raising them into foolish controversies (1 Tim. 1:4; 6:4-5; 2 Tim. 2:14-16, 23-26; Tit. 3:9-10).
Paul instructs us to stop judging one another over such issues, to stop holding others in contempt because they differ here. Rather, he directs us to accept each other, urging us, “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification” (Rom. 14:19).
Note well, this accepting attitude applies only in the non-essentials. Difference in essential matters like what is required for becoming a true Christian “brought Paul and Barnabas into sharp dispute and debate with them” (Acts 15:2).
Conclusion
How do you discern the differences between these levels of certainty? In my judgment, the discernment revolves around the centrality and clarity the issue takes in Scripture and the significance of the issue for our faith.
Jesus as God incarnate in full humanity, who lived a sinless life, is a die for. Scripture is clear that Jesus did not sin. Those who affirm that He sinned in order to establish His full humanity may appear sensitive to human problems, yet, they exclude themselves from gospel orthodoxy when they do.
In my judgment, the discernment revolves around the centrality and clarity the issue takes in Scripture and the significance of the issue for our faith.
When a church decides to affirm a sexual expression, which scripture has forbidden,members of the church often will divide over this decision. The United Methodist Church (UMC)announced a proposal to split the denomination over what it called "fundamental differences" regarding its beliefs on same-sex marriage and LGBTQ clergy. This has become a divide for issue for some in the UMC.
What did Jesus mean when He cried out, "It is finished" (Jn. 19:30) and died? Did He mean He finished the work of propitiating the wrath of God toward elect sinners whom God chose based on His sovereign purposes alone (definite atonement in Calvinism)? Or did He mean He had finished the arduous work of atonement to provide payment for the penalty of sin for all who would receive Him, whom God chose based on His perfect foreknowledge of their choice from all eternity (universal atonement in Arminianism)? These sorts of questions that have to do with different ways of connecting scriptural affirmations are often debatefor issues.
Which songs shall we sing in church? Should the fellowship hall floor be covered with linoleum or carpet? Can we sell Christmas ornaments in the lobby at church? These are excellent examples of decide for questions.
The struggle with division in the church is when our lack of spiritual maturity and/or our divisiveness escalates matters from a decide for or a debate forcategory to something we must divide for or even die for. The subtleties of our comments often betray our lack of wisdom. I remember a church leader saying, “If that ever happens here, it’ll be over my dead body!” This leader had escalated a decide for issue all the way up the ladder to something he would fight to his metaphorical death over.
As we comprehend these levels of certainty and begin to employ them as a community of believers, we can avoid the trap of being unnecessarily divisive on one hand and compromising the faith on the other. As we emphasize the essentials, we are less likely to fall for the cultural accommodations of Christianity that lead to liberalism. That also helps us keep secondary issues in perspective and avoid the divisions they create.
你點解要專登講啲唔應該講嘅嘢？
點解要學人哋，點解唔聽兩個妹妹提醒唔好再講。
This post is an abridged version of Luster, M. (2006). Book Review: Becoming A Healthy Team: 5 Traits of Vital Leadership.
Full review is available at https://place.asburyseminary.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1267&context=jascg
小小分享，神顯啟示（1）追求那達不到的目標：
耶和華與摩西面對面說話，好像人與朋友說話一般。（出埃及記33:11）
摩西說：求你顯出你的榮耀給我看。（出埃及記33:18）
耶和華又說：你不能看見我的面，因為人見我的面不能存活⋯⋯然後我要將我的手收回，你就得見我的背，卻不得見我的面。（出埃及記33: 20 、23）
耶穌正祈禱的時候，他的面貌就改變了，衣服潔白放光。忽然有摩西以利亞兩個人，同耶穌說話。（路加福音9:30）這裡出現了舊約律法和先知的代表：摩西和以利亞，他們曾經體驗個人神顯的啟示，摩西在出埃及記三十三章的見證中，告訴你我個人神顯啟示的目標，竟是達不到目標的目標。
摩西心願直接親眼看見神的榮面，這是靈性追求者渴望能達到的目標。
若靈性追求者久久達不到面見神榮耀的目標，有以下兩種可能的反應：
1 氣餒，無力下去，放棄追求。
2 鼓舞，既未達標，仍須努力。
（若已成功達標，則吸引減退）
另有一種超越表面矛盾的可能：
閉上雙眼，面對面談，閉上雙眼，親如朋友。
打開眼睛，祂就遠離，打開眼睛，消失眼前。
不如閉上雙眼，面對面。
不如閉上雙眼，面對面。
至高啟示的目標：隱秘
靜思默想：
救主以色列的神阿，你實在是自隱的神。（以賽亞書45:15）
這樣的知識奇妙，是我不能測的，至高，是我不能及的。（詩篇139:6）
若你我久久達不到親眼面見神榮耀的目標，你會如何？
小小回應：
反思靈性的追求與持守
耶穌對他說：「你因為《看到了》我才信嗎？那《沒有看到就信》的人，是蒙福的。」(約翰福音20:29 標準譯本)
我也求神照亮你們《心中的眼睛》，使你們《知道》：屬他召喚的盼望到底是什麼；在聖徒中間，他基業榮耀的豐盛到底是什麼； (以弗所書1:18 標準譯本)
我常自問如何在已有的關係中，如父子，夫妻，朋友，同工之間，保持不斷的情感交流，而不冷淡？ 或許也需要一種「追求」和「持守」的心態。
若你我久久達不到親眼面見神榮耀的目標，你會如何？
不如閉上雙眼，面對面。
或者開啟心眼，心連心。
